SO OBSESSED IT'S NOT FUNNY.

CRUSHING IT.

Big Bang, you've absolutely obliterated the Kpop tropes/boxes with a Groove SO SMOOTH it makes me all woogey inside.

I have no time to actually write this post today, but considering that my day has been made bearable, nay, enjoyable solely because of the release of this video, how could I neglect to post something (especially when I haven't posted here in so long)?

I Fucking Love This Song.

Out of all the teasers, I assumed that this would be my favorite from their new album, and they'll have to explode my brain with one of the other four songs to change that. (Update: it's still my favorite. By far.)

And while I put the video up there, it's more about the song for me- that underlying groove that just makes you sway your shoulders and bob your neck/chin. It's got this phenomenal jazzy mellow vibe that just puts me in an utterly pink cloud of happy. It's a song that makes me dance casually as I walk, whether there are people around or not. Which makes the video pretty goddamn apropos, right?!? How GD starts down the sidewalk in that first scene, that's ABSOLUTELY how I react to this song (although with admittedly less swag, and hopefully more tasteful jacket choices).

This song has the same kind of sick groove that Baby Goodnight has, but amped up just enough to really make you want to move. Preferably up against someone else. I am often awkward when it comes to sexy-partner-times-dancing, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have any problem if this song was playing. (And Hurrah! I will have an opportunity to test this theory on March 22 - JKPop night in Seattle.) Especially if a certain person would magically appear and deign to dance with me, but I don't think they're going to read this and grant that wish, but HEY MAYBE, RIGHT?

And since I'm obviously in a sexy mood, let's all groove to Baby Goodnight for a minute before I resume my spaz about Bad Boy. Mmm, yeah. I'm all over GD's hair in this one.

ANYWAY. Back to the awesome that is Bad Boy. Let's look at this video again for a second. They're very obviously prepping for a world-tour / introducing-themselves-to-America, complete with music videos shot in Brooklyn to prove it. (Blue was also shot in Brooklyn, and I'm curious if all their videos from this album will be from New York.)

Also, the style is WAY outside the Kpop standard (although Big Bang often is recently): very little choreographed dancing (although the way they do handle their synced dance scenes is MASTERFUL, no?), a real place for a set instead of a hyper-lit set, and most importantly, A DIFFERENT GIRL FOR EVERY MEMBER. (In the KPop world, this is completely shocking, and I have no doubt that Simon and Martina will devote a full minute and a half to this feature next Monday. Update: okay, so it was only 3 seconds...)

The only Kpop specific aspect still intact, and that which may be a little difficult for American audiences to swallow, is the clothing. GD pretty much looks like a freakshow. I'm sorry, that jacket is ridiculous. Even if it does make me want to pet him (like I didn't already). The others are all mostly passable, with only little accessories of WTF (really, did you need a life-size bedazzled skull to complete that outfit, T.O.P?), but for the most part they're not going to raise too many eyebrows.

Overall, the song is amazing, the video is beautifully choreographed (both dancing and camera-work), and they boys look like they're pretty fucking ready to blow the American pop charts. I'm almost positive they made an English version of the video, too - there are a couple of times where GD's mouth doesn't line up with the Korean, and I assume it's because they're using shots from the English version. Get ready Amercia, Big Bang is coming (seriously, they're doing a world tour with shows in the U.S.), and you're all going to fall in love with T.O.P. And that's fine with me - because you'll think GD is a weirdo little girly boy pretending to be Lady Gaga, and that means I can keep him all to myself. <3 <3 <3

B Sprout 1 Dance A Sprout 4 Dance !!!

So Good. B1A4 wins the spot as my new favorite kpop group this year. The sprout dance nudged them over Infinite, who I also discovered this year (although I think they've been around a little longer).

Also, FYI, Sandeul NEVER closes his mouth. There are literally videos of him at fan meetings and there are people in the back yelling at him to close his mouth because he looks so ridiculous.

Korean rom-coms have taught me how to get a rich man.

1. If you take a chaebol* home and he bonds with your family, you get to keep him.

2. If it looks like your chaebol might leave you, hug him from behind. This is the best way to stun him so that you can confess your love.

3. The more accidents you get in, the more opportunities your chaebol will have of saving you (which will make him feel like a real man, and not the pampered rich baby that he actually is).

4. Having weak ankles and very tall shoes helps. Is there a natural disaster going on? You'd better get outside as quick as you can. Dangerous body of water nearby (or any body of water, really)? Jump in and forget to breathe.

5. You can treat nice guys who love you and want to give you the world like absolute shit and they will keep coming back to you. And their attention will make your chaebol jealous, which is the best way to get him to realize that feeling in his tummy that's making him curl his fingers in rage is lust/love for YOU, pretty lady.

6. Is that thing averagely good or funny? Scream hysterically about how awesome it is. Your chaebol loves the sound of your high-pitched girly shrieks of joy.

7. Always say your chaebol's name in a plaintive, whiny, pathetic voice. This is absolutely endearing, obviously.

8. Change your name to something that means a regular object or idea, so your chaebol can use metaphors to make fun of you and find new ways to tell you you're shitty.

9. Did I mention you should be getting into lots of accidents? If you want to snatch your chaebol from that snobby bitch who's much better suited to him, you better be on death's door at least twice a week.

10. Food that looks like your chaebol is the true way to his heart. It can't just be delicious, it also needs give him the opportunity to indulge his ego.

11. Did your chaebol give you jewelry? DON'T FUCKING LOSE IT. EVER. LOSING THAT JEWELRY IS AKIN TO SHOOTING YOUR CHAEBOL IN THE FACE AND HE WILL HATE YOU FOREVER.

12. Is it time to test your chaebol's love? Get him to give you a piggyback ride. This will prove that not only is he strong enough to be yo man, he's strong enough to handle your drunk ass when you're plunged into hysterical depression because your chaebol hung out with his ex.

13. Does your chaebol tease you? Does your chaebol tell you you're a useless scrap of a human being, in no way good enough for him? Fear not. This is his high-brow way of telling you he's been waiting all his life for some poor, mistrodden thing like you to gather up the gumption to confess your love, and now that he's found you he's just testing to make sure you're as despicable as the fantasy he's built in his head. IN ESSENCE - buck up, buttercup, he's already yours.

14. Have you been to Jeju Island yet? Better get your asses there, fast as you can. There's no hope of a successful relationship with your chaebol unless you spend some time on Jeju.

16. DO NOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOUR CHAEBOL. No matter how shitty your life is becoming (most likely because his mother fucking hates you), your pride is your most attractive feature. (Mostly because it will lead you into many life-threatening situations that give him the opportunity to save you.)

17. Your chaebol has no idea how to communicate, relate, show love, or in any other way act like a normal human being. But this is why you love him. Just don't be surprised that he keeps doing shit that makes you think he hates you. He's probably trying to tell you he loves you, but it's like a dog trying to wipe it's ass with toilet paper - the muscles just aren't there yet. Wait it out. Keep almost dying. He'll learn.

18. Forcing your chaebol to endure insufferable embarrassment caused by you is the best way to help him learn.

19. Is there a ridiculous animal costume around? Get in it, quick. Chaebol love bestiality mixed with the idea of you looking pregnant with their babies/heirs.

20. Sacrifice yourself to save him. Your chaebol isn't used to people throwing anything besides money, so protecting him with your soul or body will stun the shit out of him.

21. The best way to sort through your problems is NOT by chatting with your friends or, heaven forbid, your chaebol himself. No. Definitely the way to go is by talking aloud to yourself. Crazy = attractive, and don't you forget it.

22. Also, clumsy = adorable. Acting (and looking) like a 5-year-old = adorable. Stuttering like an idiot = adorable. The more ridiculous and pathetic you make yourself, the better your chaebol will feel about himself. Cover his flaws with yours. He should never have to face the fact that he is anything less that completely perfect if you can help it.

23. Make sure you have some plucky friends - preferably one or two less attractive friends and one absolutely gorgeous friend pretending to be less attractive by wearing glasses. They will aid you immensely in convincing you that you should continue to act as prescribed in #22 to win your chaebol.

24. If by some stroke of romance-god luck you get to spend a night in the same bed as your chaebol, make sure you are unusually flaily in your sleep. This'll make him all hot and bothered, and your drooling on him will actually become an endearing memory in a few months time.

25. Most importantly, your ability to live a healthy life better hinge on whether or not you think you have a chance with your chaebol. If you're not willing to give up food and drink, spend hours in the freezing cold, and refuse to get out of bed should you get the impression he might forget you forever, then you don't deserve him, bitch.

*A "chaebol" is like a member of the elite super-rich class in Korea, and although there are a few dramas out there that don't feature chaebol male leads, they usually do - or someone similar in status. Male leads in korean dramas are much like Nietzsche super-men, and to the ladies around them they are supposedly perfect and completely unattainable.

You won me over, Kim Hyun Joong.

Although, admittedly, it wasn't that hard.

It takes a pretty catch beat to make me pay attention, though. Said catchy beat has been the go-to on my ipod for the last week:

And then tonight (in avoidance of homework), I invested a little more time. All it took was one smiley adorable song and I'm a bonified Kim Hyun Joong fangirl. (It also has a catchy beat.)

I didn't take too much notice before, because the other video I had seen of his was Breakdown, which just frustrated me since the entire thing seemed to be leading up to a dance fight (Pop! Hit it! Cool! Yeah!), but the dance fight never appeared. I left the video disgruntled and angry, forgetting about him until Lucky Guy got stuck in my head. He's in SS501 as well - apparently all their members get to go out and do solo stuff, which is neat - but I haven't taken the time yet to really suss out all the different members of that group, although I did know he was one of the more prominent(ly pretty) members.

Kim Hyun Joong is borderline too-perfect looking. He's got the Siwon-esque asian-ken-doll thing going on a bit, but somehow his silly hair and grin makes me not discredit his perfection the way I do for Siwon. He is just crazy-gorgeous, though. An almost unbelievable blend of pretty-boy kpop idol and some actual masculinity. See example here (start at 4:00 for the extra hotness):

The top comments on this video are pretty indicative of his vast appeal (the second one being my favorite):

"When he ripped that shirt open I think he ripped open my heart as well! I mean WOW! O.O"

"Very nicely done, the work is amazing. He must have to hide out from all his fans trying to rape/marry him. The poor dear."

And all this Kim Hyun Joong love is probably going to spurn me into actually watching the entirety of Boys Over Flowers. I started it once, but got bored/annoyed with it quickly (I hadn't learned to appreciate Lee Min Ho the way I do now (I know, I know.... how can anyone NOT appreciate Lee Min Ho - but I was really distracted/un-attracted to the perm)), but now that I have TWO lovely korean idols to swoon at.... Yeah. I think I'll be able to stick it out this time until the romantic plot finally takes hold. Hurrah for the imminent arrival of Christmas break!